i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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