I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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