The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
