Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize