I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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