They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
