I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
