Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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