why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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