Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
