Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
