**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My ass is underappreciated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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