omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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