Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
