He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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