shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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