we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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