I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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