I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize