I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
