he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
