i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
