No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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