I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
