my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i think i have two assholes
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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