singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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