I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
