My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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