At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
