Tell her she can't have a vagina
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
