I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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