I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize