He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
