I accidentally had phone sex last night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every concussion has its silver lining
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
