Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Text me some of your sweat
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