sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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