hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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