I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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