So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
