Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
