She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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