So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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