It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize