Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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