so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
