you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she looked like the before picture.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
