I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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