my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
