at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
