I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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