fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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