How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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