I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
