As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
