My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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