weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
