The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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