My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
