with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
