I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
