she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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