Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
