did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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